Talking to A Wall -[Closed]

[daniel]

• THIS PART OF ME •
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Daniel said nothing for a minute, he knew that it was easier said than done, but Vincent had done it, so why couldn't he? But he knew that even if he tried, the past would chase him down, and it would hurt a lot more than dealing with it now, and that was one of the reasons why he just wanted to let it out now, but maybe he should just go home and wallow in his own misery, after all, Vincent had done nothing to deserve a moping kid come into his hours at whatever hour and start sobbing his eyes out, he still had feelings, and he didn't really want to make Vincent uncomfortable, but it seemed to Dan that they needed each other this minute, and so that's why he was as if glued to the chair, not making his way home.

'I'd just like to see William one more time, just to remember him better, as well as to tell him how sorry I am, even if he spits in my fave and leaves, I just want a final goodbye.' Dan couldn't help but feel like a charity case, looking for pity, but truth be told, he didn't think he could expect any sympathy, or pity, after all he killed someone, and that was enough to be hated forever. Images flashed before his eyes, the magnificent blue eyes that William had, his beautiful smile, and then the blood, and the shining knife. What had Dan got himself into? He didn't know.

Dan, to say the least, was shocked by the look of concern on Shia's face. 'No, Will would never forgive me. It was an accident, but Vincent I murdered him!' Daniel nearly screamed, jumping up from his seat, and just stood there for a minute, carming his head down, and looking really out of place. Dan was so focused on himself, he never realised what Vincent must have been feeling. 'You've had time to heal, and to accept things. It will always hurt, but for me, I'm ripping apart.' Daniel said truthfully, wiping his eyes a bit more, feeling like a complete and utter nutjob. 'I will never be able to forget.' Dan whispered, and it was true.

The look that Vincent had on his face when he said that he didn't want Dan to die too, reminded him too much of William. 'I deserve it, for me it's a life for a life, and if not today, then soon, I think I'm gonna die too.' He looked at Vincent, hoping he'd understand the need for him, he couldn't live the rest of his life knowing that he killed his only true love. Dan looked away, at this time, Vincent reminded him too much of William, that he couldn't bare to look.

WORDS ?! eh, dunno.
TAGGED ?! Vincent Lord
OUTFIT ?! click
LYRICS ?! endlessly by muse
BANNER ?! MISS DEATHWISH
TEMPLATE ?! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ?! omg Dan is going mad!

[monkeybread]

+++++++++++++++++++++
Don't say his name
And we will get along just fine

[/color]

In the silence Shia realized how sick he felt, all these feelings that he hadn't expressed in a very long time were coming back, it was a sicky sweet joy that he hated having. Daniel wasn't going to be easy to get through to not with sweet words.No. Shia was going to have to knock it in him in the end.

Shia stayed silent at Daniel's plee, he didn't think that Daniel was doing himself any good by ripping himself apart. Infact it was making him a bit to like Shia himself and that scared him quite alot. No one ought to end up like me Shia mused silenty to himself."You don't think i am ripped? You don't understand one vital difference between us. I meant to kill David."Shia spat his eyes flared anger but quickly died."I wanted him to die...Shia mumbled looking away."But without him, even after all that happend, I just can't find myself."

Shia stood as Daniel turnd away from him, with a solid moved movement he took Daniel by the collar and brought him into a nearby wall."I don't want you to die, you can't die..."Shia set Daniel down and took him back into a hug."I..couldn't go on if you died...knowing i let you kill yourself."Shia pulled back but didn't let go of Daniel's waist."And..if i have to i will beat you to a pupl, so you can't kill yourself." He was dead serious too.

Shia pulled Daniel closer again and one of his hand went to the side of his face."I will make new mermories, in place of those sad ones okay?"

Shia's other hand took hold of Daniel's and brought above his head,s his fingers slipping between the gaps. Shia hesitated only a litte as he face came closer. As his lips touch against Daniel's he whispered."I will help you heal...even if i die in the process."

[/blockquote] .

I’ll be the one who makes you laugh
Make up for the memories
That made you sad
Me and you together forever
We could be someday
You will find me in all your
Wishes and dreams

[/center]

[daniel]

• THIS PART OF ME •
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Dan just stood there for a minute, straing at Vincent in shick. He had meant to kill David. truth be told, Daniel had no idea how to register that particular fact. He couldn;t even speak, trying to figure out why a person would want to kill someone that they supposedly love. 'Why?' Was the only word that Daniel could choke out at the moment. Dan could never imagine himself killing anyone on purpose, let alone a person that he loved, so what the hell was Shia playing at. What was the reason to kill a person that you cared about the most on purpose. But, Daniel wasn't scared, or repulsed. He didn't know what to think, so he said nothing more, the question he just asked hanging in the air above them.

Dan didn't react as Shia pushed him into that wall. His body was numb, there was no feeling, he just was. 'Well, this one wouldn't be your fault, and I wouldn't be in so much pain. What's it to you if I die or not Vincent? You don't know me.' Daniel whispered into Vincent's hug, his voice breaking at the end of that sentence. He wanted to be brave, for himself, for William. Just to accept what he will eventually do. Daniel's nubness made him not notice Shia's hands on his vaist, but he didn't care anyway. He cared about anything or anyone at this moment. Not even himself. 'I think you'd better do it soon, because I won't be able to go on now. Don't you understand? You of all people should.' Dan said hopelessly, he seemed to be so small, like he shrunk in the last minute or so.

Daniel stared Vincent in the eyes, as he said things about replacing his sad memories. He could feel Shia's palm on his cheek, the scarred one. Dan said nothing, didn't even move, just stared, lost for words. Vincent Lord was a stranger to him, but they had more in common than he would even have thought, which made him somehow know him, the way he felt, because Daniel felt it too. Now, Dan felt his hand being brought above his head, he only glanced at it for a second, before Vincent's lips thoushed his. He let out a shaky breath into them, and closed his eyes for a second just accepting the kiss, and the words that came out from the other boy's mouth. 'I.. I don't want you to kiss me just because you feel sorry for me, or in memory of David.' Daniel said, because in his mind, there was nothing inside Daniel for a person to like now, let alone kiss.

WORDS ?! eh, dunno.
TAGGED ?! Vincent Lord
OUTFIT ?! click
LYRICS ?! endlessly by muse
BANNER ?! MISS DEATHWISH
TEMPLATE ?! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ?! omg Dan is going mad!

[monkeybread]

"He...used me, more then just once, then on top of that. He..destroyed everything i really thought i could manage.. Shia said, thats why he had killed him, or atleast he thought he had killed him. The idea of seeing David again made Shia's stomache curl. He didn't want to relive it again. He had been hurt so many times, no scars had been left but he had ancient bruises he remebered well. David had been possive, violent and they fought all the time, both good and bad.

"It...would be my fault, i jsut can't let someone kill themself when i know about it...can't lose you now that i found you.Shia couldn't help but shake his head when Dan told him he should just beat him up."I am not going to hurt you...not unless i really do have to."

Shia found himself wishing he could understand how he felt now, though the kiss was short, he had wondered what had made him do that."I feel horrible for you, and I wish i could jsut wipe it all away, I do miss David. But, thats not a reason for me....I.. Shia backed off dropping his touch from Daniel he turned his back toward him."..I don't know....I haven't felt like this, for a long time.

[/blockquote]

[daniel]

• THIS PART OF ME •
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
- - - - - - - - - - - -

All this was so new to Daniel, that he had trouble working out how he should react to anything. With a sigh, he swallowed a lump in his throat. He could never imagine being used, or using someone, being possesive or anything like that, hos and William's relationship had been perfect, that was another difference between the stranger in front of him, and Dan. 'Look, Vincent, I don't know what that feels like, but you say you loved him, how can you kill a person that you love?' Dan spoke all that quietly, more to himself, but he knew that Vincent heard him, it was meant to reach his ears too anyway.

Dan felt completely clueless. This person, that he met five minutes ago, seemed to actually care for him. Truth be told, if it were vice versa, Dan wouldn't let him kill himself, but now all rational thoughts left Daniel, and all that was on there was being together with Will again, that he listened to nothing and no one, not even the person that had just helped him a huge deal. He felt small, and helpless, but he couldn't change that, and he had tried. 'You can't look after me twenty-four seven, and I know I must sound mad, but I just want o be with William, wherever he is.' Dan looked down, he felt like he couldn't let go, that now he'd actually lost Will, his love grew even stronger, and he didn't know if he could open up to anyone else at the moment.

Dan felt sort of pained for hacing to push Vincent away, but he felt too much like William, and it was like putting salt on fresh wounds, he couldn't do that. The embrace had been so similar, he was about to cry, but he contoled himself, it was his turn to be the caring one. Daniel placed a shaky hand on Vincent's shoulder as he turned away, and sighed. 'I can't say I understand you, because that would be a lie, but now I kind of feel lost, I really do. This probably isn't helping, but I don't know what to say.' Daniel took his hand off of Vincent's shoulder, and walked back until he hit the wall. He then slid down it, sitting on the floor, and placed his head in his hands, feeling confused.

WORDS ?! eh, dunno.
TAGGED ?! Vincent Lord
OUTFIT ?! click
LYRICS ?! endlessly by muse
BANNER ?! MISS DEATHWISH
TEMPLATE ?! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ?! omg Dan is going mad!

[monkeybread]

Vincent chuckled a evil and slightly demented laugh and looked at daniel darkly."I did, but Vincent did not. I loved and hate that bastard. Even after the worst thing he could ever do to me, i still followed him around like a sick lost puppy that clinges to the very master that beats him." Shia clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. "The poor little lost puppy who finally grew up and had enough.....

"I will find away. Wether i have to tie you up or lock you in a cage...or both." Shia mumbled quietly. He was serious too, he wouldn't allow this at all. Shia turned then shrugging of Dan's hand and paced into his kitchen."Its past curfew for you....your really goingt to get it if you leave.....you might as well stay, your in no condition to go home." Shia lectured grabbing out another coke and popping it open watching Dan from the corner of his dark eyes. He wasn't going to force the guy to stay, but if he did leave Shia would walk him home because he didn't trust his sanity at the moment.

He placed the coke on the counter and went back and sank down next to Daniel gently. "I admit i use to be jsut like you....i wanted to die, i tried on several occasions..but everytime the thought of jsut one thing entered my mind." Shia put his arm around Dan quietly."What if there was someone else...what if i could help them?"

[daniel]

• THIS PART OF ME •
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Daniel couldn't deny that he was kind of scared of Shia at this moment. The laugh that escaped from his mouth, was nothing less than evil and slightly mad, so when it did come out, Daniel felt a shiver of fear run down his back, and whis whole body shook with it. Dan wasn't sure if he noticed the fear in his eyes, but Daniel enver wanted to hear a laugh so col ever again. It really wasn't good for him, or Shia for that matter. But now, the fear dissapered as Shia sounded angry. And upset, and it pained Dan to see someone with that much emotion behind a story, as well as the content. Daniel sighed, and looked at his shoes. He had calmed down now, but all of the self hate emotions didn't dissappear, but a new emotion kicked in. It was a sort of pity he guessed. 'What did he do?' Daniel asked quietly, he wouldn't press on the matter if Shia didn't want to talk, but he was merely curious.

Daniel laughed humourlessly at the image of him self tied up and in a cage. Maybe he would feel better in one, have some time to sort his brain out without a threat of killing himself. Daniel shook his head, saying nothing to that, he wasn't sure if by the end of this conversation he would still crave to go under ground with William, but whatever happens, there will always be a part of him that will. Daniel also ignored what Shia had said about staying. He really didn't have the guts to stay, this building, this was where William lived, and he was too close. He feared that in the night, he would go searching, unless Shia really did tie him up. But it would be a sort of relief to stay close to Will for just one more night. No, Dan couldn't really.

Daniel felt more than saw Shia sitting next to him, his arm around his shoulders. And somehow Dan felt kind of comforted. He turned his head, looking Shia right in the eyes, thinking that he was right. Daniel looked back down, and whispered. 'You're right. I won't try to murder my self, at least not tonight.' He sighed, knowing that no prmises could be made tonight, about anything. Running his hand through his hair, Daniel stood up. He wavered, but still walked towards the closed door to Shias apartment. Dan swallowed, and looked back at Shia. 'Thank you.' He whispered, and turned to go, but he had to hold himdelf, because a dizziness had set in, one that made him want to faint, but Daniel faught it.

WORDS ?! eh, dunno.
TAGGED ?! Vincent Lord
OUTFIT ?! click
LYRICS ?! endlessly by muse
BANNER ?! MISS DEATHWISH
TEMPLATE ?! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ?! omg Dan is going mad!

[monkeybread]

Shia froze at the question, and his emotions changed ina flash, instead of anger they filled with terror."..Besides beat the heck out of me when id didn't do what he wanted?" Shia said clenching a fist his head bowed."Turns out, i get drunk easily...seems when i am i am bit of a clingy person-Shia swallowed hard-guess Daniel just had to take advantage of that...."

Shia lightened at Daniel's laugh, his heart returned to normal and he laughed slightly to. If he did tie Daniel up it would be one intresting throw down. Who knows what would happen Shia could end up tied to the block. Which he..really wouldn't mind all that much.

Shia was happy when Daniel said he wouldn't try to murder himself, but then he frowned at the last part. Well he had almsot made a breakthrough. When Daniel moved from his arms again, and went for the door, Shia could see him wavering. He wasn't going to make it down the hall if out into the hall the way he was. Shia sprung to his feet and without any hesitation swept David into his arms like a bride again. He swung his arm around his neck and trotted for his room."I swear if i let you go you'll end up in a alley out cold." Shia commented as he kicked the door open to his bedroom and placed Daniel onto the bed. He leaned on the bed post staring down at him."Now then, you get some sleep alright?" Shia turned to leave, he was doing it slowly because something was drawing him backwards, the feeling of someone being there.

[/blockquote]

[daniel]

• THIS PART OF ME •
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Dan shook his head, not being able to imagine someone doing something like that. Such a relationship. Daniel sighed. 'I'm sorry.' He said, in merely a whisper, and he meant it, No one deserved to be treated in such a way. His relation ship had been trouble free, he loved William and never imagined hurting him, but here he was, having killed the guy. Dan shook his head merely to himself, what a world was this? If there really was God, why did he let such things happen? Danie didn't know.

Dan looked up at the sound of Vincen't laugh after his own. the atmosphere seemed to lighten a tad bit, and Dan was glad for that. Really. He hated feeling so depressed, even if he really couldn't help it. Dan bit his lip, he wondered what would actually happen if Shia tried tying him up, Dan thought that he would probably let him. Or maybe put up a struggle. Dan didn't know, not really.

Daniel felt so helpless. The dizziness overtaking him. He held firmly onto Vincent's neck, feeling kind of quesy. But he was glad when he was finally put down onto something soft. 'Well, that would be better than being cared for when I don't deserve it.' He said, with a sigh, feeling like he didn't want to get up. Dan looked up to Shia's face. 'How comes you always keep catching me?' Dan whispered wonderingly, more to himself rather than Vincent. Daniel shook his head. 'No, don't leave.' He swalloed, feeling kind of awkward for asking Shia to stay. 'I couldn't possibly sleep.' He whispered, looking at him with an expression that he didn't know.

WORDS ?! eh, dunno.
TAGGED ?! Vincent Lord
OUTFIT ?! click
LYRICS ?! endlessly by muse
BANNER ?! MISS DEATHWISH
TEMPLATE ?! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ?! omg Dan is going mad!

[monkeybread]

Shia chuckled to himself, this guy and him had switched roles, he wasn't the suicidal one he was the one trying to prevent it. Odd how history and Irony love each other some much.

"Because I keep lifting you up." Shia commented back slowly. His eyes warming and then seemed to avert Daniel's gaze. Shia stopped short turned and tilted his head, he wants you to stay. Shia was now stuck either he left because he was afraid of what could possibly happen between them, or he stayed and just dealt with it. Shia sighed and found himself propped up by pillow with Daniel hugged against him, Shia's chin resting on his head."I am sorry I can't be there for you all the time."

[/blockquote]

[daniel]

• THIS PART OF ME •
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Daniel felt somewhat embarrassed. He didn't understand the reason for Shia's laughter, but Daniel was embarrassed about merely being lifted up by Shia. 'I actually feel quite pathetic.' Daniel mused, the sadness in his deep green eyes remaining intact. Daniel sighed, and ran his hands over his face, wiping his eyes, not from tears, even though they stung, but the tiredness. Of everything, of life, of no sleep, of having to deal with all of this crap. Daniel shifted his head to the side, and noticed the moment of hesitation, he wasn't sure why it upset him so much.

Then, Daniel was pressed against his chest. And the words that he said rung in his head, like a million eches, and he felt dort of hysterical. He sat up out of his arms, and then turned his head to face him. 'I'm sorry, this whole thing, your embrace, it just feels too familliar.' Dan was sort of embarrassed that his voice cracked at the end of that sentence. 'It was sort of the way Will always held me,t he words he spoke. The same exact words.' Dan said, pain evident in his voice, and in his heart more so. He felt he was going to explode.

WORDS ?! eh, dunno.
TAGGED ?! Vincent Lord
OUTFIT ?! click
LYRICS ?! endlessly by muse
BANNER ?! MISS DEATHWISH
TEMPLATE ?! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ?! omg Dan is going mad!

[monkeybread]

Shia just shook his head. Seeing how Daniel felt, when he moved away from him for the third time, and began to talk about how much he was like Will. Daniel was like David, or how David use to be. Shia sighed hanging his head and smirking."I beginning to feel a bit jealous of this guy." He said lightly. He looked at Dan, his eyes swimming into his, he wanted to kiss him agaia, bring something better onto his face,but he reframed. Shia tilted his head to the side, wondering how he had ended up like this, with someone he hardly knew, well actually he knew the guy pretty well now.

[/blockquote]

[daniel]

• THIS PART OF ME •
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Daniel was staring at the floor when Shias word's hit him. Jealousy. That was an emotion that Dan had felt before, really, and it usually didn't work out well. That emotion was nothimg more than a knife, hurting people, but Dan kept his thoughts to himself, he was sure that that was merely a feeble attempt to cheer him up. Daniel sighed, and looked at Shia. For the first time that night, Daniel really looked at him. Dan will always compare every guy he ever sees to William, and there definitely were some simillarities, but there were even more differences, which, in this case, was really a good thing. The thing that remained the same, the feeling of Shia's embrace was so much like Will's, that he had to try so hard, not to start crying and run a mile, fall down in a dump and lay there pathetically.

'You've no need.' Dan smiled, a smile that didn't reach his eyes, 'He's dead.' He said, Daniel stood up and faced Vincent. Sure he could say that he didn't know the guy, but that would be a complete and utter lie, as well as vice versa. Shia probably knew more about him than anyone else in the word, and that kind of made him nervous. Dan kneeled on the bed, looking right at Shia, Daniel wasn't sure what expression was held on his face, but he hoped that it was good. He leaned closer, toushing his warm, long fingers to Shia's face, tilting his head so he could see his eyes. 'Thank you, thank you for being there.' Daniel said, and slowly, and uncertainly he touced his lips to Shia's for the second time that night, closing his eyes he just let himself be, for once, do somthing that eh may regret later and not worry about it at that moment.

WORDS ?! eh, dunno.
TAGGED ?! Vincent Lord
OUTFIT ?! click
LYRICS ?! endlessly by muse
BANNER ?! MISS DEATHWISH
TEMPLATE ?! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ?! omg Dan is going mad!

[monkeybread]

Shia felt bad for saying that then, seeing it might have a been a bad choice of words. But as Daniel recovered from it he just let it slide off into oblivion somewhere. He wasn't expecting much from Dan, he was in bad shape and he was just there to support him.

When Daniel kissed him, Shia knew his face flushed pink, he hadn't expected that, and he wasn't use to that all anymore. He found his hand slipping over the one on his face and kissed Daniel back. Did he feel bad about this? Yes and no. He wanted this but he felt maybe he was taking advantage of Daniel's distress, no more then that, his need for someone. Shia knew he couldn't help but find it hard to be fighting with his own thoughts. His other and slipped through Daniel's opposite hand. As he held him up. That was he always seemed to be doing now, helping everyone else but himself. Trying to gain back all the pain he had caused everyone else.

He didn't want to push what he was doing, but a feeling spiked through him, and he knew if he wasn't careful he wouldn't start thinking his actions through very well.

[/blockquote]

[daniel]

• THIS PART OF ME •
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
- - - - - - - - - - - -

When Dan's lips touched Vincets, it was as if every memory had been rubbed away, and he didn't know why that happened. Also, what Daniel didn't know was, why he actually liked him, and why Vincent made him forget things. Sure, Dan was reluctant to be attracted to Vincent, and he still is, but the kiss held something in it for Dan, but he wasn't sure about Shia. Maybe it was all just him, just trying to drown his sorrows of Will in kisses from a stranger that knew more about him than anyone else. Dan felt Vincent's hnads on top of his, and he flushed his face, though his dark eyes were still closed. He hoped that in the im light, that Shia hadn't noticed, but he could probably feel the flush of heat to his face.

Dan believed very much so that he was going mad. That this wasn't happeing, but then the reality hit him that it was, and he felt a hot tear run down hish cheek. As Dan grew more and more out of oxyden, he shivered, and tirned his face to put a soft kiss on his cheek, his lips sort of trembling. Then, he pressed his fore head to his, still keeping his fingers on his cheek. 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.' Daniel whispered brokenly, not knowing what to think or what to feel.

WORDS ?! eh, dunno.
TAGGED ?! Vincent Lord
OUTFIT ?! click
LYRICS ?! endlessly by muse
BANNER ?! MISS DEATHWISH
TEMPLATE ?! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ?! ----